Sharing

Maybe it's just being an only child, but sharing is hard. I have only learned how to share in the past - mmmmm - 10 years or so. Now I will give away almost anything.

One thing I don't want to do is share my love with multiple children. As ridiculous as I know this concept is, I can't help but consider my one little girl's feelings. I want to give everything to her. Everything, including 100% of my attention.

Not that I think it's any less that the kids get in other situations. I assume that no matter how many siblings, everyone gets loved. I just want my girl to be so loved she almost can't stand it.

Just like me. I love being a spoiled brat.  ;)

Music

Am I the worst parent ever if I listen to Lil Wayne loudly and dance around with my baby? Will she end up being that kid that teaches the other kids to cuss?

eff it. maybe she'll end up fine.

Guilt

Now that I'm a parent, I am full of guilt. Am I doing the right things for my baby? What if I screw everything up? Oh, dear God, what if she wants to be a cheerleader someday?

no.

I'm sure this happens to everyone. My husband has this story about when he was a kid and how he told his mother that it was a mom's job to worry. That becomes more funny every day.

Currently, I'm consumed with feeding the baby. She's not gaining much weight, but isn't unhappy and she's reaching all the milestones. I guess she's just little. Oh, and I don't feel guilty about feeding her formula. At least I know I'm giving her a full belly, and she's going longer between feedings than when she was breastfed. I wasn't very good at breastfeeding (low supply, thin product), and we're both much happier with the switch. There's nothing wrong with formula, you teat nazis. (thanks, Tina Fey, for helping me come to this realization!)

she gets me.

There's another thing. She rolled over multiple times from her front to her back when she was 2 months old! Early! Amazing! Hasn't done it since. It's a month later. WTF? Lazy girl. She knows she can, so she's over it.

Oh, and she watches TV. She's my daughter, all right. I am trying very hard to discourage this behavior so she doesn't get the ADHD. Maybe I should have turned it off for a few days when I was pregnant.

but it's just so pretty.

She's fine. I just have to keep reminding myself. She would let me know if something was wrong. No reason to make a happy baby unhappy.

The Sappiest Blog Entry Ever

I want to pour all of our hopes and dreams and all of our love into this one little girl. I cannot even conceive of anything I'd like to do more. Most people I've spoken with would be much more comfortable knowing they have multiple chances to put their legacy out there in the world (which is understandable, really!), but I personally would like nothing more than to see only our one little girl fulfill everything she is capable of.

No pressure, little Morgan. You just be what you are and nothing more. You are more loved than you will ever know. We love you so much that no one could take away from that, including another child. You are everything we could have ever wanted. No matter how you turn out when you get older and make your own decisions - you are the best thing we could have ever considered making.

I hope you never feel lonely. Believe in yourself, little one. Being an only child is so amazing. You learn to fend for yourself! It also means that your parents love you so much it hurts. Your teen years will be hard. You'll want to break out on your own. We'll attempt to help you with that as much as possible. Be everything you can be, but no matter what - BE YOURSELF. We will love you (and stick up for you) no matter what. Make mistakes. Learn quickly. Learn things slowly.  Learn that you're perfect the way you are even though you are different. The fact you're alive makes your father and I so happy we could burst.

Ok. enough of that sappy nonsense. Back to being me. (which I hope is what MY parents wanted for me. I'm assuming so. Mom and Dad become more relevant as I get older - go figure.)

More People Choosing To Have One Child

Wow. I'm not alone. Interesting.

http://www.time.com/time/magazine/article/0,9171,2002530,00.html

They really need to just post the article in its entirety. I'm tired of giving them more page views than they deserve. Ah, well. Interesting read nevertheless.

Food?

I'm alive today because of Zone bars and coffee. You lose weight after the baby's born because there's no time to eat.

mmm. tastes like I forgot to eat.

Sleep

Once, in college, I slept for 14 hours, got up just to pee and eat lunch, and then took a nap. Best day ever.

WANT

My Birth Story

Let’s just get this out of the way. Every parent blog has a birth story. Maybe after reading this, you can understand a little bit more about why I am the way I am. Squeamish? Skip to the bottom line. 

Pregnancy

Wanted a child. Got pregnant immediately. Very early miscarriage. Got re-pregnant 4 months later. Nausea. Exhaustion.  Worry. Movement! Maternity clothes. It’s a girl! Gained weight. Worry. Preeclampsia? Gained more weight. Swollen. Hot. Insomnia. More weight? Worry. Bed rest.

The birth

8:00am – Water broke while getting up to pee after laying in bed, watching TV, and checking my email (bed rest). Somehow managed to not get anything on the bed. Awesome!

8:01am – Jeebus effing crap this is it holy moly whatdoidowhatdoido

8:02am – Took a shower (best. decision. EVER.)

8:05am – Called husband. Grabbed go bag. Chauffeured to hospital. Called parents. Called mother-in-law. Called sister-in-law. Called best friend.

8:20am – Arrived at hospital. Walked in. Filled out paperwork while leaking amniotic fluid. Gross. Is this really necessary?

8:45am – in hospital bed. WOW I found the pain. There it is. Contractions so bad I cried. I never cry.

10:00am – Epidural. Whew. Relief.  How do women do this naturally? Much respect.

10:00am-2:00pm – Watch baby heart monitor like it’s my job. Worry.

2:00pm – Start pushing already? Holy crap.

5:00pm – Still pushing. This whole kid thing is the worst.

5:10pm – Baby turns. OMFG. Doctor has to reposition baby while I push. Cannot describe the pain. Horrible. Nightmare. From Hell. My temperature spikes. Mom and baby have infection? Worry.

5:30pm –Might need a C-section if baby isn’t born soon. Ugh. One last push.

5:31pm – My little girl is born. 7 lbs, 7 oz. Healthy.

My hospital stay post birth

My little girl is whisked away to the NICU in one of those scary clear baby boxes due to the risk of infection. I hear her cry before she is taken out of the room, so I guess she’s ok? Travis goes with her to another floor. I’m left alone, worrying. The nurses wrench on my uterus, trying to get my bleeding to stop. This is the second most painful thing in the world. I am still hemorrhaging, so they give me medication to stop. It makes me nauseated. Then the morphine. Now I’m loopy and my baby is still on another floor. My sister-in-law and my best friend and my mom come and hang out with me. Did I just have a baby? Why am I here?  Wheeled to the mother/baby wing, sans baby. It’s depressing. They check on me every hour for a few hours while I attempt to sleep. Finally get to see her 12 hours after she’s born. She’s the biggest and healthiest baby in the NICU. This makes me feel so much better. Still surreal. This is mine? They release her from NICU. We are finally all in one room together. I get to take a shower. People visit. I can’t believe this is all happening to me. I stare for hours at her, watching her breathe. Nurses come and go. Two days later, we go home. All of us happy and healthy.

TL;DR
My husband would have to BEG me to have another kid. And even then I might refuse.

Why start this blog?

While searching on “the Google” (I think that’s what they call it), I found that almost every parenting blog was written by stay at home moms of multiple children. I was specifically looking for a blog by a snarky working woman with one child, discussing the joys and challenges of her life – and found nothing of the sort.

This is where I come in.

I’m 28 years old and just had my first child. I have to say “first child”, you see, since this simply cannot be my only child. What would people think? How could I just have one? I simply must have another, or my progeny is doomed to a life of loneliness and despair, wandering the earth in search of a sibling. Or so people make it seem.

Here’s a little bit about me: I am an only child. Not once have I ever felt that I was lacking. My childhood was THE happiest childhood possible, no joke. I cannot express how amazing Christmases were when everything was for me (well, not everything…but pretty much everything). My parents attended every single musicsportnetball recitaltournament that I ever was a part of (and OH MY was I involved in extracurriculars). I had everything I wanted or needed, while at the same time learning the value of hard work. (Thanks Mom and Dad!). It is possible to raise a well-adjusted only while spoiling the heck out of them, turns out.

Here’s my situation now: I have a pretty ridiculously amazing life. My husband is my best friend that I love so much it hurts. We decided to procreate, and about three months ago, we welcomed our little, sweet bit of awesome. We have a house full of cats (ok, three cats), two cars and a motorcycle, every gaming console ever made. We’re both employed at jobs we don’t hate. No drinking or financial problems. We have an Amazon Prime membership. Happiness is abundant.

I am sarcastic and loud and fun…and I have interests of my very own outside of raising my offspring. My goal is to raise my little girl while maintaining my own identity.

Well, shoot. That sentence makes me sound like I don’t care about my family enough. You and I both know that’s not true. Moving on.

So, back to why I’m starting a blog. Maybe it’s my only child-ness that makes me full of opinions, but I do love to express myself. And it seems that I’m headed down the path less traveled by choosing to have one child. So here I am, blogging into the everything/nothingness that is the interwebz. Perhaps someone will find my catharsis entertaining.